I got chris browned last night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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