also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize