I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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