I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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