I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
