with your own penis?
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
