I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drunk is not a location!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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