is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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