it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
