Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to calm my uterus...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
