I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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