Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think I sprained my soul last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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