PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
