community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
