get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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