hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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