if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
