Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
