i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
