i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
