he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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