I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
