1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
