I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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