he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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