mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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