My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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