last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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