I'm going to jail i love you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize