I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
