If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
