did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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