Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
