We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
