I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The ass gains better be worth it
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