My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
