Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
