this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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