do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
