I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
