new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize