WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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