We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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