I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
4 words: hood of his car
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
