I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just threw up on my dentist
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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