ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
