I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
