Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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