Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
