seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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