So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
