Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize