that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
