i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
