I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is Oprah even human
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
