hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How external is "for external use only"?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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