he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
