I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
