She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
