i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
