Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I deserve this hangover.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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