Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize