So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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