i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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