In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
