the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
