Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
