i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
