We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
