I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
