i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
