we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
