I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize