i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
