I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
