I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
