i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
