your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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