Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
