hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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