I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
