it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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