i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
