Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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