im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
