The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
