just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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