If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
