You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
