We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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