youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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