I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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