Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
