Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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