Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
